Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Best. Pickup. Line. Ever
I went to the bar the other night to help mend my broken heart, and while standing at the bar, a guy came up to me and said "I know this is going to sound rude, but my friends and I were wondering if your boobs were real." Hahah! Kind of a weird thing to say right off, but dang, it made me feel good. What does that say about me that I am flattered that they thought my real boobs were good enough to look fake? I don't care what it says, it made an extremely bad day a little better.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Hey Madonna...
[I wrote this a while ago and am now reposting it.]
Hey Madonna...
....put your old ass coochie away. I mean seriously. I woke up this morning and turned on VH1 to listen to music and I was repulsed by what I saw. Madonna was dancing around in a nude-colored unitard. First of all, if you're old enough to be a member of AARP, you should never, ever wear a unitard. You should also never spread your legs and dry hump the air in said unitard. Just because you were considered a sex icon in the 80s doesn't mean people want to see your geriatric ass gyrating all over the place. And the sad thing is that you think you look hot. Somehow you decided that your legs look really awesome when you straddle some imaginary item and hump it. But truthfully, your legs look eerily like the legs on a rotisserie chicken. No, your legs aren't muscular. That strip across your legs looks more like a ligament poking through your old, thin skin, not some pimp-tight adductor muscles. So, no Madonna, I will not support your new song. Even if it has Justin Timberlake in it. I cannot listen to that song without getting a visual of that nastiness. So put some clothes over your old v-jay, and leave the gyrating to the 12 year olds.
Hey Madonna...
....put your old ass coochie away. I mean seriously. I woke up this morning and turned on VH1 to listen to music and I was repulsed by what I saw. Madonna was dancing around in a nude-colored unitard. First of all, if you're old enough to be a member of AARP, you should never, ever wear a unitard. You should also never spread your legs and dry hump the air in said unitard. Just because you were considered a sex icon in the 80s doesn't mean people want to see your geriatric ass gyrating all over the place. And the sad thing is that you think you look hot. Somehow you decided that your legs look really awesome when you straddle some imaginary item and hump it. But truthfully, your legs look eerily like the legs on a rotisserie chicken. No, your legs aren't muscular. That strip across your legs looks more like a ligament poking through your old, thin skin, not some pimp-tight adductor muscles. So, no Madonna, I will not support your new song. Even if it has Justin Timberlake in it. I cannot listen to that song without getting a visual of that nastiness. So put some clothes over your old v-jay, and leave the gyrating to the 12 year olds.
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