Hey Madonna...

[I wrote this a while ago and am now reposting it.]

Hey Madonna...

....put your old ass coochie away. I mean seriously. I woke up this morning and turned on VH1 to listen to music and I was repulsed by what I saw. Madonna was dancing around in a nude-colored unitard. First of all, if you're old enough to be a member of AARP, you should never, ever wear a unitard. You should also never spread your legs and dry hump the air in said unitard. Just because you were considered a sex icon in the 80s doesn't mean people want to see your geriatric ass gyrating all over the place. And the sad thing is that you think you look hot. Somehow you decided that your legs look really awesome when you straddle some imaginary item and hump it. But truthfully, your legs look eerily like the legs on a rotisserie chicken. No, your legs aren't muscular. That strip across your legs looks more like a ligament poking through your old, thin skin, not some pimp-tight adductor muscles. So, no Madonna, I will not support your new song. Even if it has Justin Timberlake in it. I cannot listen to that song without getting a visual of that nastiness. So put some clothes over your old v-jay, and leave the gyrating to the 12 year olds.